Sigh

Well, as you all have noticed, I haven't been faithfully posting lately. I could blame it on the busy summer season on the farm, which would be true, or that the weather is beautiful and who wants to be on the computer when they could be outside (also true). However, the fact is that writing about my life right now means facing the sad truth that my year at the farm has come to an end. I'm excitedly starting a job teaching in a Montessori school and while I'm looking forward to this coming year, it has been very, very hard to say goodbye to the farm.

It's sad to leave what feels like an unfinished season- the tomatoes are ripe on the vine, the eggplants are just coming in, and the pigs and chickens are getting bigger everyday. And while I'm still around a bit, since Theo is at the farm until the end and my days at school are shorter, allowing me to pop in for breakfast or dinner, my own commitment and responsibility on the farm is over.

I've been lucky to feel very welcomed at my new job but that doesn't make me less homesick for sitting around the table in the farmhouse talking about vegetables and local meat with no caveats to explain what I mean when I talk about the weed pressure in the brassicas or the amount of forage for the cows.

I'll say this, both to my class and future classes: the farm is a special place. It's a wonderful little bubble and emerging back into a more conventional environment is a harsh reminder of gender roles and a certain brand of self criticism. There was never any presumption over the last year that a woman couldn't do something a man could, or that the men should be building and on the tractor while women focused on canning or fiber arts. In just a couple of days away from the farm, I already miss the assumption that I can use a skill saw or even just hammer a nail into the wall. It's striking to walk back into a world that cares how you look and that a bit of dirt isn't a badge of a long day but something to be avoided and immediately cleaned. It was hard to appreciate the culture of the farm while in it- we were so immersed in a place that supported and nurtured our values, it just felt like that was how life always was.

I'm sure I'll still write about the farm (and there's exciting news coming about our own, brand new farm that we're starting) as the summer ends and the fall begins. And I'll say again that I'm very excited about my new job: I love working with kids and the staff has been incredibly kind and welcoming. I'll just always really, really miss those days when we were at the farm, instead of just memories.